FLASHPOINT.

Tonight had to be one of the amazing  shows I've ever watched. It was about a young lady named Penny that was kidnapped by this sick man at the age of eight. This man had convinced Penny that if she was to go out, she would be killed. He had a dog electric collar on her ankle that would buzz every time she would step next to the door or any window. Nine years later, he kidnapped another young girl, bringing her to the house. He brought her, not realizing that someone would recognize her as a missing child. The cops were called to the house, and the man knew they were onto him. The man  told Penny "it's time" and gave her a gun. 

Later on in the story, the cops came, and Penny, this now brainwashed young woman, had told the other young girl to not go near them. She explained to her that the cops only wanted to convince them that they were trying to help, but in reality were going to put them into camps. That these cops were sent to capture children; that they were lead by "bad people" and were sent to get them. And that the man was holding them safe until everything was ok. He told the girl that if they left the house, they would be put in barbed wire prisons .

I was in awe that this man could convince this girl that she would be forced into a ghetto. He used past to make her believe this was happening to her, and to scare her to stay. This reminded me of Night, and really taught me how everything really does tie together.

Jumping Off

    I was thinking in class today of what sort of person I am.  Four words to describe me best are a risk taker and a dare devil. I don't think I would be able to survive without taking a few risks here and there. It's not only the thrill but the way it gets my heart racing and blood flowing reminds me of the beauty of choice. For some reason, while discussing this topic with Isaac and Evan today, I realized I have this weird fetish to jump off of cliffs. (Of course, only ones that have water that I can land in.) So far, I've only jumped off of three, but each has a memorable story behind them that feeds the dare devil in me. 

    My first time jumping off was camping with my sister, and it was a hike just to get on top of the cliff. It took FOREVER for me to pull myself out of the water and attach to something to pull me up. You never know how deep or how far to jump out until you reach the top, and by that time there's no turning back. Once we reached the top, it was a quick count. ONE....TWO ... THREE... AHHHH! SPLASH! The feeling you get while falling two seconds is one that you'll have to experience yourself. All I know is it's terribly great!! The next time was camping as well, but wasn't so fun. When I crashed into the water, my big toe jammed into a rock, forcing gravel deep under my toe nail. After an hour of biting anything I could to keep from screaming and painful tweezers my family had to scrape under my nail, the rocks were finally all out. 

     Even if it was painful, I couldn't stop there.

  My final time was... indescribably amazing. I can't give you the full feeling of it, but I'll try. It was last year in Hawaii when me and and my family visited a natural waterfall. We were exhausted once we reached it, but I couldn't help but regain energy from what I saw. Water flowed from under my feet, and we were on top of a waterfall, looking down into the spring water at the bottom off the splash. It looked untouched, shaded perfectly by the deep green leaved trees. I looked at it, and felt excitement boiling within me. I didn't know how deep it was, and didn't care. All I knew was I was going to jump into the peaceful pool waiting for me.

     With my heart racing, I stepped back and charged as far out as I could, dropping into the chilled water. I had never felt water so cold, so refreshing. My skin felt icy, but I wasn't shivering. Somehow this water managed to keep me warm and cold at the same time; just perfect. I'll never forget the pre-feeling though; the feeling that drives me to push myself to want to jump again. Ahh I want to jump right now! :)

Eh..

It seems like its more pain to have a boyfriend then to not. Right now, I think I'm just too young to try and have a serious relationship. I do love my now ex, but I feel like we just always argue. He wants me then doesn't want me, thanks me for being a great girl then tells me I'm just too much. I'm tired of seeing my life sort of through someone else's perspective. I get trapped in what he tells me about myself, and lower my standard of what kind of person I really am. I hate how there is this certain tactic that some guys will use. Their nature is to hunt after prey, and us girls are basically prey.  I feel like the only way he thinks sometimes I'm guaranteed to stay with him is to make me believe that I am nothing. That no one else would want me. I refuse to believe that.

I don't even know what to call this.

I didn't understand why I couldn't change my fate.I somehow had convinced myself that I wasn't myself anymore. Second after second.. second after second, I was losing more and more breath. I felt myself deteriorating, but my brain still in perfect condition, functioning. I was so angry, just so pissed I could do nothing but watch myself lose air. Second after second.. Even while the air escaped I didn't want it to, I didn't understand why it was happening. I watched myself take off my shoes, and my brother grab my arm, leading me to a glass of water. I looked at the cup, unable to drink it. The clash of the ice cubes against the inside of the glass cup sounded as if it was right in my ear. My mouth was so dry, and my throat felt like razors were cutting with every breath I took. I heard my heart pounding," Thump Thump! thump thump! thummmp..thummp... thummp thummp..," second by second it was slowing down.  Second after second.. I heard my brothers voice, muffling while I became weak. I dropped to my knees, baffled as my sister and brother. They were doing nothing to help me. I was losing air second.. after second, and just watching them watch me. They did nothing. Slowly I sunk lower and lower and my ribs and body crumbled... as if deflating the air out of my lungs. I fell to the floor hearing nothing but " Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song.. killing me...," My heart went " thhhuummpp.....ttthhuuummpp....."  and I took my last painful breath. My soul was no longer in my body.   It had become nothing but my mind talking and  all black. 

The next moment I remember was waking up screaming. I was holding my sister, bawling at what I had saw. My death. Even if it was a dream, none of them have ever been as real as that one.  It really disturbed me..

President Obama

Well there it was today; the inauguration. People from all over came to witness this celebration and moment in history: the first african american president. My mother said there was not only blacks with tears running down their cheeks, but every race. There were whites and asians and others that were touched by this election. It shows great progress as a nation and really means a lot that I'm alive when this day has come. I mean, look how far we've come as a whole. Years ago african americans weren't even considered a human  or given any rights and now an african american is our leader and has the control to give us our rights and run this country to victory. I'm proud to be a part of this great stepping stone into the future.  I can't wait to see and experience the great change and peace that Obama will bring.

Never the Same

When I drove by the bay oceans, it took me back to something my mom had told me. "Dani, you'll never look at oceans the same once you go to Hawaii," she said a week before our trip last year. She was right. I looked out of my window and frowned. Our oceans are so filthy and polluted, you aren't even able to see your feet in the water. In the Hawaii beaches, you could see everything under the water's glass-like surface. The transparent water made it fun to go snorkeling above the surface and see the exotic fish peaking out of the green leafed plants, or see the sea urchins suction cupped to the rocks. You can't enjoyed anything like that over here. It's sad how people don't value beauty over here like the oceans. I wish ours could be a replica of Hawaii's. But then again, that's what makes the islands such a great and valuable place to visit. Everywhere in the world has it's own special quality that other's don't have. I guess it's just up to us to explore and appreciate them.

NIGHT

The first chapter in the novel, Night, was different from any book that I have ever read before. Usually the first twenty pages in a book are hard to understand and give you barely any information of things, but briefly lay out a couple characters. This book started out very deep. I've never been connected so soon to a book then I have this one. It's beginning of how a young boy and his family are forced by the Nazis to move out of their homes is so powerful. The author takes no time at all to jump into the reality of things. I wish more authors were like Elie Wiesel . Instead of just sugar coating things and trying to make the story any more dramatic than it was, he just flat out lays the facts and you are engaged to his life and story. It's so sad already and I've only read the first twenty pages!

Trapped

Going to the zoo is always a guaranteed fascinating time spend with your family. This trip to the zoo, however, I thought a little more in depth with the animals. Instead of just being entertained with these once wildlife beasts, I had pity upon them. I wondered what it could be like to spend your whole life enclosed, in a cage. To just see countless faces a day stare at you and snap bright lights. You walk and see a huge animal like a lion; the king of the Savannah. In his enclosure, he did not walk with pride and grace like he should and there seemed to be sadness in his eyes. I know that most of the animals that are put into the zoo are ones that are incapable of surviving out in the wild, but I wonder. If they did have the choice, would it be death,or a life in a cage?? Which one is really the suffering? The life or the death?

*First Love

I remember walking into Overfelt Highscool's drama autotorium like every Sunday, preparing for the nine o'clock  church service. It was nearly a year ago in late august, and school time for not only me had started, but also the bible college my church offered called Master's Comission. ( The boys mainly served as eye candy to the younger girls since they were non-obtainable.) It was the Sunday that these new group of newly graduated young adults were introduced to the church. As I saw my friend Briana, she was bubbling to spill out the news of the boy that was buzzing around all of the girl's heads. 

" Danielle, have you seen the new Master's yet?! "

"No not yet?? ." I responded, puzzled at her excitement.

" There is this new one just coming in, I don't know his name but you are just gonna die when you see him! I mean he is ... you'll see! " 

I wondered where this godlike boy as everyone described him could be, and if anyone could actually be that perfect. After praise and worship was done, I proceeded to sit and wait to see this boy who everyone had spoke about. One by one the names were called, and finally all of the masters came out onto the stage to do a human video. ( A dance/drama) Briana pointed and said." Look! That's him! " I couldn't believe how handsom he was and where he could have possibly been hiding my whole fifteen years. He was extremely tall, and had this golden, orange hair down to his mid-back. All of his features were very structured and deep. I knew that I had to have him.

Weeks went by, and eventually I gave him my number. I was excited to get the occasional text from him saying," Goodnight. Sleep well, and Stay warm. Jah Bless. " Day by day I became more interested in him. He lured me in with his shyness.. I wanted to know more and more. This sort of sinfully beautiful love I had found at church was a challenge for the both of us, but a risk I was willing to take.

   After a few more weeks, I looked at my phone one Sunday morning and saw that I had had a text from him reading,"Come meet me outside." My heart beat to the click of my quick pace in my heels as I stealthy snuck around the rows of chairs. Once free outside, I saw him just staying there, making the slightest motion to turn the corner. Walking swiftly and checking if anyone was around, I caught him sitting on a metal bench, looking down at the cement ground. I had never imagined he would be a shy boy, but the opposite. I sat next to him, my heart continuing to race faster and faster. I had never really got opportunities to see him up close before. He was so beautifully put together; his very masculine, square-like face structure, his lips that pouted out perfectly, thick and juicy, and his nose full on his face and fit to keep a structure for his eyes. 

"So, what's up?" I started, since the silence was almost unbearable.

"Mmm nothing..." he said while smiling and glancing to the ground. He never looked at me when we spoke, and it bothered me. ( To me, eye contact is one of the most important things, and this was the one boy that would never look at me.) Finally, I gained the courage to question his odd behavior. I couldn't resist to touch his freshly shaved chin and gently turn his face towards mine. It was then that I could finally see his eyes. They told me everything, whatever everything could be. I wanted to know everything about him and I felt that I could see so much in his soft, honest eyes.

"Why don't you ever look at me when we talk?" I whispered, smiling.

After a smile from him, I noticed the cutest little dimple on him left cheek.

" Because, It's just that... The reason why is... I think you're beautiful," he softly said, looking into my eyes.

It was that very moment, that I knew I would love him. It wasn't because he thought I was beautiful. It wasn't because of his striking features either. But the innocents and sweetness he had about him. The shyness and humbleness that he carried. Even if he was this great looking guy, someone that I would never think would ever talk to me, he was the quietest boy that I have ever liked or had interest for;the most interesting and far opposite of me. A year later there has been many trials and tribulations, but we've managed to make it work. To this day I'm still in love with him.

New Orleans

I was watching a documentary of schooling after Hurricane Katrina and what effects it had on students there. I was shocked to see the difference in the way things are out there compared to here. It saddened me to watch and see the poverty, the lack of dedication to work hard and gain a good education, and most of all the amount of violence. I couldn't imagine everyday having to go through a metal detector before entering school and having the fear daily of being shot. Within one semester, two students were shot by other students attending the school. It makes me really appreciate being brought up in California and being able to feel safe at school and most of the community in general.

Flea Market Treasures!

     I had such a great day today spent with my friend, Brenda, at the Flea Market. There were so many items sold for a deal price that you couldn't find anywhere else. Today, I was specifically in search for Native American jewelry, but I struck out. (It's usually unattainable when you have a goal already set out, the best way to go is in search for nothing in specific. That's how it works out for me anyway. ) Instead, I came across this woman who made bracelets. I was really excited because I have always wanted a custom bracelet where I could pick the colors and the way it was going to look. It took awhile for the woman to make the bracelets that my friend and I had asked for, but I don't blame her. The craftiness of it was magnificent. I don't understand how she managed to make lettering, but she did. As she went row by row with the yarn, I watched her carefully intertwining and going under and over and around with several pieces of yarn. If it were me I would have had a million knots! It was really neat and a treat watching her make the bracelets and even better to be able to wear them.   

New Years

As the New Year came, I sat in the car driving home thinking of the whole year previous that God has blessed me with. I was given  another healthy, great year. But the usual thing I do is think of things I want to change or do better in the new year. This year, I'm trying not to focus on anything in general, some things though, and just try and be the best person I can be. I keep hearing  people say that the end of the world is nearing soon, and it just scares the hell out of me. Literally! I'm trying to live my life right and do what I am suppose to. The only true way the bible says to reach it to heaven is to accept Jesus into your heart and declare him as Lord and Savior and live for his great works. I believe with all my heart that there is a heaven, but only a certain amount of people make it to heaven. I just hope that all my loved ones are guarteneed a spot as well as me.

Everything For A Dollar

When my little niece came over to visit, I dreaded seeing her. It's sad really, but she's just one of those younger siblings that are complete little pests and bug away. (I always think ," Wow I hope I didn't annoy my cousins like that." ) But when I saw her, this time it was different. She was much older now, and viewed things in a very different way then when she used to when she was a bit younger. She stood in my room looking around in awe and said ," Dani, if you got a dollar for everything in this room you would be rich...." I didn't think much of it and said ,"Oh don't be silly.." But after she left I thought of how she was right in a way and helped me realize things about myself that I would like to change this upcoming year. I never thought of my room as anything special, but here a little girl looked around and thought it was just great and full of clothes, and jewelry, shoes and furniture. It made me feel as if I'm not as grateful as I should be. Sometimes we don't know how fortunate and lucky we are until we see it through someone Else's eyes. This year one of my goals is to be more grateful and appreciate how easy I really have it.

Going Back To School

Oh my school is tomorrow! AHHH! I don't know if I'm exactly ready?? I LOVE having break of course everyone does, but its time to go back. Woah not to mention my horrible problem of sleeping in. Staying up late and sleeping in is the new thing! It's gonna be a hard habit to break now and for my body to adjust to waking up early once again. I know I'm not menatally ready for learning eh, but I love hearing about everyone's break and the fun adventures people have. Can't wait to see you guys tomorrow!

The Good Word of Death

When I was in deep thought one day I wonder why it seems only appropriate that when a person dies to speak upon what kind of person they are. I mean even the nastiest of people get some kind of nice speech from their family. I wonder why it only has to be when they're dead that you speak of all the great memories and qualities that that individual has. I thought of my mom and how I don't want to be speaking at her funeral and regreting never telling her that she is a beautiful, great woman that has supported me in so many ways. She is the one person in my life that I don't get around to really tell how much I appriciate and think she is just and awsome person. I do throw out comments here and there, but I don't think she fully realizes the amount of gratitude I have towards her. Another one of my goals this year is to tell people all the great things that I think of them. It shouldn't be when you are just looking at flesh in a coffin that you speak up and tell them what you felt about them. You never know, it could have made one of their day's on this earth a little brighter, and since you're only given so many what do you have to lose?