My Tan!

I'm finally getting a tan! My only true goal for this summer is to gain a nice, even golden tan, and to get an early start is fine by me! I took my little nieces to the pool last saturday and sat out in the sun for a good three to four hours while they swam. Apparently that was enough time for me to gain a little color on my legs as well as my arms. Even if I did get a little color, I still have a ways to go!

Schools Comin

Wow, school is coming to a close. AsI look back on this school year, through all the laughs, smiles, tears, and trouble, I realize Iv'e gotten through one more year. It's amazing to me when I think of how close yet far away we all are to graduating. We're only two years away... but we're still two years away. I think of how the words " only" and "still" make that much of a difference. But when it comes down to it, it really doesn't matter how fast or slow it's coming. It the slow steps day by day that I have been reminded to keep in mind. It's the little things that matter. To all who reads this, I love you and have a great summer. Oh, and keep in mind the little things. :)

Geisha Girls

My group's presentation was a success! Aside from accomplishing our makeup and hair in the morning, we were able to pull together a very geisha-like presentation. I was so proud of each one of my members and how well we did. I've never in my life been able to fully rely on anyone when it comes group projects, so for this one time, so for the eleven years i have been in school this day has finally come. I have to say if it wasn't for certain individuals, Lorita and Anh, our presentation would have been nothing compared to how it turned out. Thanks so much for your participation guys, because this month of preparing was sooooo worth it due to your efforts and realness.

My ipod

I was so disappointed last week when I found out my ipod was stolen during sixth period. I really thought I could trust all the kids in Thompson's class, but I guess I was wrong. It wasn't even the fact that it was stolen that made me so mad, but it was my privacy that was invaded. Someone had the nerve to go in my bag and take something that was very personal to me. My name was even engraved in the back of the ipod and it was a gift given to me by my parents. I think it was so wrong and something that I didn't deserve at all. I have no problems with anyone in the class, so I couldn't imagine who would do such a thing. Whatever the reason may be, I really hope that individual is so bothered by their guilt that the will return it.

African Safari

For the past couple of days I have been working on a painting that my sister has asked me to do for her. It's been such an eye opener for me because I have always told myself that there is no way that I'm going to be able to work with paints. But when I started to paint my lion, I began to see how much it flowed like the rest of my art pieces. I'm now working on completing the zebras and finishing up the first canvas. I really appreciated my sister buying me the three canvases because it has caused me to challenge myself  and my artistic abilities.

Wildlife Center of Silicon Valley

The WCSV is the best way to to earn community service. I've been volunteering at the center for about three weeks now and I LOVE IT. I basically feed and take care of sick or injured little birds and other animals. My shift is only a four hour shift each week, so its neither too much or too little to ask for and finishes my community service in a beneficial way. It is so rewarding to be making a difference in the animal society.

Project

I'm feeling a little uneasy about this project for Thompson. Its intimidating that we have to be able to finish a book within about two weeks and on top of that be able to come up with a lesson plan for the class. I guess we get to see what it's like to be in the teacher's shoes for the day. It seems to be overwhelming, but I think my group and I will pull through and do a great job on this project.

Lil Squirt

When you're able to resite lines back and forth from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas for  forty five minutes without getting tired of it and sing in harmony just because of boredom, you got a true best friend. I love my bro so much and I'm going to miss that little stinker! Everyday it gets only closer and closer to his departure. But, then again if looking at it from a different perspective, it gets closer to his return.

Snow Day

It is true when they say that some people, at heart, will always remain kids. My dad took us up to the mountains today where there was still snow upon the tree tops and blankets along the ground. The minute we stepped out of the car I had to touch the snow. I couldn't remember the last time I had took a snow road trip prior to this one. Chur chur and I began to throw snowballs at eachother, but then decided to use twin power and gain up against my dad. Besides one other time in my life, I had never seen my dad act so giggly and playful. He was running around and cracking up; having a great time playing in the snow with us. I thought it was adorable and soooo cute to see that side of my dad. It was refreshing to spend a day outdoors, but also to spend a day with my dad. A lot of times, for me anyway, it's hard as a daughter to bond with my dad. But in this environment and time, bonding time was perfectly reached.

Approval

I love the way that I was made, but if there was one thing I could change about myself that feels impossible to do is to live life for myself. I hate being a certain person to try and receive someones approval. Everyone at some point has been a victim of craving acceptance, whether they realize it or not. Maybe it's even safe to say that people desire this everyday. It could be either parents, or authority figures, or even a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend. I've come to conclusion there is one person in particular that I wish I could just gain full approval of. At times I think, " Oh, she knows your pretty.. and Oh she knows you're a great person," but I can never gain a full percent. It would be so much easier if this person wasn't myself. I am my worse enemy.

Change of Season

My life as of now is like a prison and my parents are my guards. I have no sympathy for myself, or want no sympathy. I just have no one to talk to in my household besides my brother, and this is my only true way to vent. I did a very terrible crime, and lost any kind of trust my parents have ever had in me. I've lost my privilege to shut my door and may even have my door taken off, I'm not aloud to be at home alone and have to be supervised, and don't have anyone to talk to in fear that they are just too disappointed and disgusted with me. When I say prison, I mean because everyone is miserable here. It is not only myself, but my parents as well. AS a prisoner, you must ear certain privileges. Going outside, or meeting up with people is something that is earned, which is what I will be doing. No one is overjoyed to be in a prison. No one is satisfied being in a prison. Everyone just goes insane after watching the clock, waiting until their sentencing is up. I guess this is my case. To wait until my sentencing is up. But while I'm waiting, I must find things to do to keep my mind off of it. Or, I too might become crazy.

It's so funny to me that I wrote this a month ago. Within a months time pass.. everything comes back to being normal. Sure, I may still be a prisoner, but it is a sentence I well earned. Day by day my sentencing increases. And, soon it will be up. 18 I'm waiting.

This Year, Next Year..

After this break, I didn't even realize we only had six more weeks until school was out. This year has went by fast for me. Pretty soon my brother will be leaving, and I will be going into my junior year. It's a scary thing for me. I don't want to be without my brother, but I know it's going to be one of the best events to happen for me and him. Next year is going to be one of the most challenging years for me school wise and emotionally wise. At the same time that I'm going to be dealing with my A.P classes, I'm going to have to deal with knowing that my other half for my whole life isn't there to support me and help me out. But, I figure just as this year has gone by fast, so will next year. Sooner than I know it, my brother will be on a plane headed back home.

Car Ride..

Man today was a day full of driving! My mother and I drove a good six hours just going back and forth running to certain places we needed to go. The long amount of time sitting caused me to be impatient and tired of sitting. I did, however, enjoy the conversation between me and my moma. We haven't had quality talks after an incident that happened a month ago, so it was nice to talk about different topics. Even if it was a long and exhausting car ride, it was quality time spend at the same time.

Sheva

The nice summer days  make me think of the times when I was a little kid playing in the front yard or swimming in the backyard. When I look in the back yard, I can't help but think of Sheva. I miss her. She was the kind of dog that would kill anything if it was any kind of threat to me, but would be gentle and lick the tears away from my face and replace it with a smile. She was my friend that would split twenty apricots with me at one sitting, inhaling her portion in one gulp. She was my friend  who I could confide in without receiving anything responsive other than love and kisses. Even if she was a mutt who was claimed to be a purebred rottweiler when my brother purchased her, there has been no other pet that has been so loyal and protective of my family like she has...

The Store!

I was so excited today! FINALLY the shop that I had been waiting to be open was open today! It was this messy little ethiopian shop that was full of colorful treasures. The clothing were beautiful and were all hand made. It smelt of something like curry and was refreshing to take in. While I looked around, my eyes directly went straight to a white dress with a green,yellow,and red trim that hung along the wall. I knew that would be my purchase, but I also had my eye on a pancho type shirt. It has foreign lettering on it, and the number 2000. I asked the man what the number symbolized, and he told me that it was actually a shirt made for the year 2000, but Ethiopia's 2000. He explained that in Ethiopia, all of their months are thirty days long no matter what, and that there is a seven year difference from over here to over here. I found it interesting and crazy because I thought the whole world was the same with years. Yuck, I guess I was having a typical american moment where everything is done this way are no way.

Writing...

 This whole week I have started my summer assignment for AP Lang. The assignment is to basically first read four selected books, and then respond to them accordingly.  The first book is On Writing Well.  I thought it would be a drag having to read these books, but to be honest, if anything so far its messed me up;in a good way. For as long as I could remember I've always been self-conscious about my writing ability. At some points I would feel strong, but other times I would feel pathetic and have nothing to start with. I've always compared myself to my twin and thought he was on a completely different level that I could never reach. I figured it was just one of his talents that I could never achieve. But while reading. I have realized that I'm not the only one that goes through these thoughts, and that writing is hard. 

  After talking with my brother about words, it seems my generation and this world is full of people who abuse words. When I say abuse, I guess I mean use them so much until they are dry and have no meaningful purpose anymore. Too many people use cliches, which, at times I know I'm one of those people. I don't want to be a safe writer anymore, I want to be daring and use words to make beautiful sentences. I hope by entering AP Lang I will be able to break my habits and there will be many unique writers by the end of the year.

Busy Busy! :/

 Im always excited for the weekends, because there is always one day that I can completely sleep in.  This weekend, there is no day that I can fully sleep in 'til when I want and that should be a crime. Today I had to attend school, of course, and worked on homework all day since saturday and sunday I am chalked full of things to do. Saturday in the morning I have to go to church, and then afterward I'm going to go to my brother's volleyball tournament. Then, after his games, I have to go to my cousins party. After that exhausting day Sunday I have to wake up and get ready to sing for church. Man, busy busy!

Tracks

Wednesday's community service fare was so great! I loved having the opportunity to find out ways to earn my services hours, but find somewhere where I can also connect myself to and really enjoy. One booth that caught my attention was the Second Harvest Food bank. Lorita greeted me with a smile and explained what it is that the food bank does. This food bank sets up a place where are able to distribute food to those less fortunate and in need. Another booth that really excited me was the Wildlife Center of Silicon Valley. They had their monthly edition of their pamphlet ,Tracks sitting at their booth. A really nice lady greeted me and explained that what the center does is take in injured wild animals and restore them back to health. This is something I am definitely going to not only earn some community service hours, but also enjoy it and continue to help after high school as well.

Leaves, But Wings

This is my kind of weather! I love the sun and her warmth shining upon all of our faces. The birds are chirping, and the flowers are blooming. But the most soft and beautiful thing that I have seen this past week are the clumps of butterflies. When I was walking home at first I thought it was leaves blowing in the wind, but as I continued to walk along I noticed it was bright orange monarchs. From my house it is only about a five to ten minute walk, and counting all the butterflies I could distinguish there had to be over fifty. When I got home I told my mom about it and after she looked up the possible reason, she told me about a really exciting cycle. The monarch butterflies embark on a journey that takes four generations or butterflies. It is amazing, but they start this path here in Santa Cruz and around this area, and then there next destination is Nevada. These creatures are so beautiful and admirable for their journey.

Mom the Poet?

I made fun of my mom all day for trying to be poetic or philosophical or whatever her goal was, but in the end I still gained a message out if it. We were driving in the car and we passed by a gnarled plant. The roots and the bark of the plant looked completely parched, and seemed to be unable to produce anything. But attached to the branch were beautiful, draping flowers opening up to the sun's warmth and drooping downward. She said," Dani, look at that plant right there. It's a sign... hmm... I think the meaning behind it is that no matter how ugly something may be, you can still find some kind of beauty produced by it." I started cracking up and teasing her, but then when I thought about it, she was completely right. Even if a person is the crabbiest, grumpiest person, there still is  some kind of kindness waiting to be shared. Every kind of person has the potential of producing good character, generosity, selflessness, and other qualities, even if they have an ugly heart. With a little care and watering, maybe those people too, may blossom some beauty.

Forgiveness

It amazes me how forgiving parents are. They are the most loving, caring people in this world. No matter what you do, they will always love you. Even though I did something unforgivable, my parents still manage to forgive. But I guess that's how life should be. I've found that out this weekend. Life shouldn't be about holding things, but about forgiving. We only have a handful of days on this earth, and days are completely wasted without forgiveness. Holding a grudge or feeling bitter towards someone will get you no where. It doesn't cause you to grow as a person, but creates a stumbling block. I am even guilty of this, so this message applies to me as well. No one can escape feeling hurt and betrayed at times, but by forgiving that individual who caused the pain you open a closed bud into a slowly blooming flower. 

Hand Writing

I think it's so amazing that people have their own unique way of writing. I really don't understand how I can hold my pencil the same way as someone else, but they end up having neater hand writing than I do. I can't stand when people say, " There's nothing special about me," or "I have nothing that's unique." Not one person has the exact same writing. Just as not one person has the same fingerprints. This gives each and everyone their own unique quality and differentiates people from one another. One of the hardest things I've found , if you ever try it, is trying to master someone else's signature or lettering when writing. That's because I believe everyone is given their own special lettering whenever they write. I may not have the neatest or prettiest girly handwriting, but I do know I appreciate having my own distinct style.

Life At It's Hardest

Time goes by so slowly when you're watching it. Sometimes I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up at eighteen. I feel like my parents live my life for me. I understand that I did do wrong, but if they would have just let me be it wouldn't have lead to such extreme. I don't want my parents in amy way to be careless about the upbringing of me and my brother, I just wish they were more acceptant of things. Once I'm eighteen I'll be able to make decisions for my own, and will live my life for myself. I feel like my grades are not for me anymore, but for my parents, my abilities have not become mine anymore, but they own them, and my life is in their control. Maybe at this age I should feel like their property, there is no room to breath at all. I HATE being a teenager and what comes along with being a teen. And most of all I don't want my brother to leave. :( He's all I have in this house. Actually, he's all I really have.

Goodbyes

I was talking to my best friend today, and he told me, " I have never heard a "good" in a goodbye." I never thought of goodbyes before, but they are always sad for me. A goodbye to a relative that you won't see for awhile, a goodbye to a relationship,  or your goodbye to a family member before they close the coffin. Good is usually a word that is used describing something pleasant or pleasing to you. Why is there the word "good" in front of "bye"? There never truly is any kind of good in an outcome when using that word. In less, I just haven't experienced it yet....

Stem Cell Research

Today in Chemistry it was really interesting. My teacher went on a side note and talked a lot about Embryonic Stem Cell research and Adult Stem Cell research. She explained on a scientist's point a view, that this sort of topic should be left up to the scientists, and not controlled by the politics. These researches will in hopes find cures to troubles such as cancer, or repair someone who is unable to walk by replacing those specific cells. Obama basically did just that in his latest announcement of this topic. She also got into great detail on the main difference between the researches; both embryonic and people. To make a long description short in embryos, the cells are in the state where they decide what they want to be. ( I forget what the actual scientific term is :/ ) For example, one group of cells in a certain area may somehow communicate to another group saying," I'm going to be the heart, " or "I'm going to be the skin." They haven't determined what they are going  to be though. 

In a person, if they take cells, they have to convert these cells back into the state the the embryo cells are in. This is because the cells where ever they are taking from already have determined what they are. ( Such as a skin cell )

 A lot of people are against the embryonic research because there is much controversy if it is actually counted as a life or not. But, my teacher today shared something with us that many people don't realize. The embryos that the scientists used are actually the ones that are unused. They are the ones that they have preserved in places that basically "expire" over time and under Bush's plan, were thrown away.

Now under Obama's plan, scientists are able to research freely in hopes of finding undiscovered cures.

Eh :/

Now after a day of having this annoying, painful cut, I've realized it isn't the pain that's the worse, but my sleepless night. I have no way of falling back asleep. I'll be lucky just to sleep for three hours at max. The pain has caused me to find any kind of sleeping position to be a struggle to get to, and to stay. I feel like I'm just whining, but it really does hurt. :( I can't really bend my leg, so it makes it very tricky and stiff to walk. I asked my mother If I could just stay home from school and she told me ," Well maybe if you would have got home before it started getting dark that wouldn't have happened." Eh sometimes I really do wish I could trade my mom's ways on how she insists that my brother and I go to school. It bugs me because it's not like I like to miss school; maybe when I was younger but now it just means I fall behind. There's so much work for each of my classes I hate to miss school, but something like this I think I should be able to miss a day. Oh well, gotta be tough I guess :/

Dreams

My brother was telling my mom and I a very interesting study about dreams. He said that there is actually a way that you can learn how to control your dreams.  This is all a process, but not a boring one at all. He said that you must develop a good memory of your dreams, and every morning record your dream/dreams you had the night before.  He also said that you focus on one thing everyday, like a watch or ring you always wear.  After a few weeks, you develop sort of a habit. Then, while you are dreaming, you are able to determine either you are dreaming or not by checking for these things. If you are able to convince yourself that you are just in a dream, you can control everything that you do. I think that is so amazing! I really wish I could control my dreams because sometimes they aren't that great. :/

Scraped Knees

It's so strange how your mind is able to forget how much pain some things may be to your body only until they happen again and you realize it. Today my clumsy big feet tripped upon the sidewalk curb and caused me to scrape up my knee and hands. The only time I can remember this same pain was when I was about eight years old and I took my rottweiler, Sheva, out for a walk. I even remember my bright baby blue overalls I wore on that dreadful day. To make a long story short, my dog dragged me through the street while trying to get ahold of my neighbor's bike tires. I remember standing up and tears pouring from my eyes. My knees were both covered in blood, and my hands were cut up really bad. Just today I experienced this long lost pain that I forgot all about. It's strange that the first feeling you get is almost this shockingly cold feeling, then an  immediate burning hot sensation. It caused my hands and knees to feel numb, but I could still feel the jolting pain. Now all I can do is wait for it to scab and endure the discomfort.

The Simple Necessities

Mr. Miclette told us the story of his weekend today and how his "dream house" unraveled and slowly turned in "the house from hell". Nothing seemed to be going right at all. His water, for some odd reason, was spouting out of his toilet, sinks, and bathtubs. He had mentioned trying to use a plunger to drain out this unwelcome water. I had never thought of it until now, but a plunger is one brilliant invention. I don't even understand how the suction causes the flooded toilets to go down, but they get the job done. I would way rather use one of those then to try and use my hand and a hanger to try and resolve the mess. YUCK! Plunger don't get recognized enough for their crappy work ( literally),  so this ones to you!

Being Prepared

My teacher told me today that "being prepared is a beautiful thing", and it's when you aren't prepared that's when it's really scary ". I love his random little spurts of knowledge at times. I remember writing earlier in the year about something like this, but it must be important if he constantly brings it up. It is true though. I would rather be prepared than not. That could really fall under anything. Like how to protect yourself if a hurricane happened if you live by the coast, or ace your final exam. Anything that requires being prepared is actually, a positive thing. Come to think of it, nothing is ever a negative when involving the word "prepared". Maybe a statement like," prepare yourself for the beating you are going to get for that grade," but in the end it all falls back on gathering together your thoughts and getting ready for whatever it is that you need to. It is always the times in life that people catch me in trouble when I am not prepared. Not prepared with a valid answer, explanation, or well thought out plan. Those are ALWAYS the moments where I reach the very dirty bottom and scrape a bit of scum to save in my pocket for future reference and memorance. It's there so I can prepare.

Simply A Coward

My pops told me about a rich man that he  knew of who flew all the way to Africa for his interior for his million dollar show race car. The price money wise was a total of 500,00 dollars, but soul wise was priceless. This man was not retrieving and old upolstery; he flew to shoot and bring back two elephant skin's and their tusks.( ivory) It isn't fair that a fat inconsiderate man can ENJOY his fancy race car while two innocent elephant's skins cushion him and his caviar liquor-sipping friends  unworthy rumps. It makes me sick. Completely sick to my stomach. Those kind of people make me hate the rich. I don't hate people, because it is a strong word, but I HATE rich. He simply did this not to increase the speed or his chance of winning the race, for this had NOTHING to do with that. It had to do with his arrogance and show boating what e could get with his millions. There is no sense of fairness in this man. The only way that I could see this would be fair is if it was a one on one battle. Man against Elephant. But instead like the weakling, as well as every other endangered species hunter, he holds a gun from a distance and brings down these strong, beautiful animals for no other reason but to embellish his car.  To me he is nothing but a COWARD. I feel like writing a complaint about this man to some kind of group against hunting for furs or skins or an endangered species group because he should be punished. It is people like this who make the chances more and more slim of there being any hopes for endangered animals in the future.

Where Did It Begin

Where did the creation of words even begin? Languages are beautiful. They are one thing that connects a certain group or region of people; that holds the community together. But where did it start? I try and think about how it all began.. I mean was it just with clicks back in the cavemen day, or Uh's... or was it actual words? The vibration in that voice box is a gift. I love the ability to speak and communicate with one another. If we ourselves all only knew our own language, the world would be full of tears.  There would be no true way to get a point across, or for you to read what I'm writing now. But we have something in common. A language. A dialect. That of which I am very thankful for. It's amazing how in other countries our language is gibberish, but to us it makes complete sense and vis versa. But it's even more amazing to me that the brain is able to obtain not only one, but multiple different languages. The amount of languages and dialects continues on and on, and many are still being explored and created, but  no matter how many, they are part of the substances that hold all of us together.

 I hope good people really do get rewarded in life. Even if it was only 9 dollars, she smiled like it was a million. :) and even if it was only a ten minute walk to deliver, I would have walked a mile just to see that rewarding smile. I hope those great people do get rewarded in life, because they reward me just being in my life. 

Noooo..... YYEESSSS!

My brother and I as kids had  A Night at the Roxbury memorized line for line. But now that I'm a couple years older, I actually understand some of the mature humor in the film. It's crazzy watching a movie that I had inscribed in my mind and could resight without flaw and 5 years later finally understanding parts of the movie I never had before. I never really established why this movie was a classic for me and Chur.. Doug and Steve Butabi walking around in their revealing black bathing suits, constant sexual reference that our pure young minds couldn't even comprehend, and hideous obnoxious 90's outfits; I couldn't possibly get why this movie would even interest us. But these two brothers had something in common that  me and Chur also had that no one else does. The secret language. It's like my brother and I have this code where no one is able to understand but us. We can say one word and know exactly what we are talking about, but everyone else looks clueless and baffled.

What if we all....

were built like cats? I was cleaning my room and my cat jumped on my bed, curling up into a little ball to take a nap. It amazes me how simple it is for them to reach their legs behind their ears to tackle an itchy spot. And the way they walk on all fours is kind of interesting too. I always try and wonder what if we were made to walk on all fours. Holding a pencil wouldn't be so easy anymore to write and dressing might not be that simple either. On the positive, we would have impeccable balance. We would also be extremely flexible. It's just crazy imagining how different our lives would be if we were able to walk on all fours. The countless possibilities we could reach with all four that we never could with just two, but also lose some of our most favorite everyday actions that are valued.

The Bus

I asked my best friend the other day the simplest question. "How's life?" I mean it usually doesn't get any more complicated than that; as well as the answers. They basically consist of a "Oh, life is good" , or a " Yea pretty slow right now," or something like that. But his answer made me frown. He told me.., " I guess I'm just watching it pass by." I questioned why he said it in such a depressing way. And his reply was, " Life is like a bus, it comes and it goes. Sometimes you just gotta keep going because life ain't stopping for Nobody..." 

I didn't really know how to reply to that...because it was true. In the same sense that I didn't want to think in a negative way, life doesn't stop. We keep going, and time keeps ticking. But then I realized that that's not what life is all about though. You can either think of things in a pessimistic or optimistic way. So, I smiled and told him ," Yea, that's true.. But you choose the bus you get on right? So it's up to you the way you are going to make it." ~

I Knew I Shouldn't Have Ate All That Pizza.

All school day yesterday I had this horrible stomach ache. I figured it was the amount of greasy, cardboard pizza from Chucky Cheese I had ate and the gulps of Root beer I drank at 7:20. I couldn't wait for lunchtime to hopefully pass my irritated stomach. Fifth period came, and it became unbearable; I knew everything that was in there was going to come right back out. By the time sixth period came all I could think of was when I was going to get out of the classroom. Nothing else. When the bell rang I ran to the bathroom, and sure enough, I was right. I felt relieved.. but as soon as I came home, out again. All day yesterday was just a throw-up frenzy as it never stopped. I became weak and wasn't looking forward to eating anything. Hopefully today will be a little easier.. and the food will stay down. I guess it's just the little flu bug that jumped into my mouth and now it's my turn. 

  One thing that I found very interesting was actually how amazing the human body is. Yesterday I realized that instead of just waking up and throwing up everywhere, it works sort of like an alarm. Every time I woke up, I was able to rush to the bathroom and relieve myself. I think it's interesting that you're body will warm you in a way to get up and actually prepare yourself for the thunder. :/

The Bucket List

I hung out with my uncle today and he was telling me about a movie that he had seen called ,The Bucket List. I have not seen it yet, but it sounds great. He said it was about two men that had met in a hospital and both were going to die. One had a brain tumor ( or something of that sort) and the other had cancer. One night they wrote a list of things that they wanted to accomplish before they " kicked the bucket." In this list included traveling to certain places around the world, making amends with family, and accomplishing things they never thought they could before. One of the men was loaded with money, and  he decided to take him and this other man to fulfil all of the things on their list. By the end of the movie, they both die happy and complete. I really want to be able to accomplish everything I want to before I die. If knew you were going to die, what would be on your bucket list?

money is replaceable. time isn't.

I wonder the probability of the droplet hitting my hand. Maybe one in ten, or one in a hundred. In a rhythmic pattern they beat unto the ground, splitting and squirming into those ten chances, that hundred. On a lucky moment one might fall upon my hand.. absorbing into the thick layers, seeping into the bone. That hundred is chance, but  time is tight. The greens will come and go, but the clock doesn't stop and before you know it you're looking at your empty hands thinking... ," What the hell did I do. "

Thanks Guys

Man this whole week my happiness just seems to decrease. I tried to encourage myself to keep my head up, but nothing works. Everyone has become even more mad at me.. or disappointed. It's strange because blogger has sort of become my diary; the thing that I can tell everything to. But it's public. All of you can read what I feel, what I think, and how I'm doing. And sometimes its the only thing that can keep my head up. You guys encourage me, lift me up, and remind me to keep going. Thank you everyone who has commented, or read my blogs. It means a lot that even if all these people in my life are mad at me, you guys aren't. It reminds me I'm not alone. That there are people I can see everyday that are still there for me. Much love~

Man...

What am I really suppose to do. When anyone who's ever mattered most in my life is mad at me. When I want to just leave. I don't know where to leave to. But just leave. When the ground below me is crumbling. When all else fails and my emotions are tangling together to make a tight ball in my stomach. When the air becomes thick to breath as the tears stream.

 I remind my self tomorrow is a new day.

I remind myself I will get through this. 

I remind myself that I am strong.

I remind myself they still love me.. no matter what.

Goodnight. For tomorrow is my new start~

Community Service :/

While my brother and other students rack up their community service hours, I sit here lazy and let the time fly by. WHY?? I have NO IDEA! I realized this week that I have to start researching and find ways to earn my hours. It's amazing that all we have is two years left. Two years and we're done with high school, and within those two years ( and the rest of this semester ) I have to earn my hours. I looked online today and found a place downtown that you volunteer to work with kittens. I really hope they will respond because I LOVE animals. I actually thought about becoming a zoo keeper when thinking about what I want to do for my occupation. I also saw another community service opportunity involving painting a couple props for a play. This is another one of my interests because I LOVE to draw. It would be a great way to earn hours and have fun at the same time. I hope they respond because I have get 'em soon! 

FLASHPOINT.

Tonight had to be one of the amazing  shows I've ever watched. It was about a young lady named Penny that was kidnapped by this sick man at the age of eight. This man had convinced Penny that if she was to go out, she would be killed. He had a dog electric collar on her ankle that would buzz every time she would step next to the door or any window. Nine years later, he kidnapped another young girl, bringing her to the house. He brought her, not realizing that someone would recognize her as a missing child. The cops were called to the house, and the man knew they were onto him. The man  told Penny "it's time" and gave her a gun. 

Later on in the story, the cops came, and Penny, this now brainwashed young woman, had told the other young girl to not go near them. She explained to her that the cops only wanted to convince them that they were trying to help, but in reality were going to put them into camps. That these cops were sent to capture children; that they were lead by "bad people" and were sent to get them. And that the man was holding them safe until everything was ok. He told the girl that if they left the house, they would be put in barbed wire prisons .

I was in awe that this man could convince this girl that she would be forced into a ghetto. He used past to make her believe this was happening to her, and to scare her to stay. This reminded me of Night, and really taught me how everything really does tie together.

Jumping Off

    I was thinking in class today of what sort of person I am.  Four words to describe me best are a risk taker and a dare devil. I don't think I would be able to survive without taking a few risks here and there. It's not only the thrill but the way it gets my heart racing and blood flowing reminds me of the beauty of choice. For some reason, while discussing this topic with Isaac and Evan today, I realized I have this weird fetish to jump off of cliffs. (Of course, only ones that have water that I can land in.) So far, I've only jumped off of three, but each has a memorable story behind them that feeds the dare devil in me. 

    My first time jumping off was camping with my sister, and it was a hike just to get on top of the cliff. It took FOREVER for me to pull myself out of the water and attach to something to pull me up. You never know how deep or how far to jump out until you reach the top, and by that time there's no turning back. Once we reached the top, it was a quick count. ONE....TWO ... THREE... AHHHH! SPLASH! The feeling you get while falling two seconds is one that you'll have to experience yourself. All I know is it's terribly great!! The next time was camping as well, but wasn't so fun. When I crashed into the water, my big toe jammed into a rock, forcing gravel deep under my toe nail. After an hour of biting anything I could to keep from screaming and painful tweezers my family had to scrape under my nail, the rocks were finally all out. 

     Even if it was painful, I couldn't stop there.

  My final time was... indescribably amazing. I can't give you the full feeling of it, but I'll try. It was last year in Hawaii when me and and my family visited a natural waterfall. We were exhausted once we reached it, but I couldn't help but regain energy from what I saw. Water flowed from under my feet, and we were on top of a waterfall, looking down into the spring water at the bottom off the splash. It looked untouched, shaded perfectly by the deep green leaved trees. I looked at it, and felt excitement boiling within me. I didn't know how deep it was, and didn't care. All I knew was I was going to jump into the peaceful pool waiting for me.

     With my heart racing, I stepped back and charged as far out as I could, dropping into the chilled water. I had never felt water so cold, so refreshing. My skin felt icy, but I wasn't shivering. Somehow this water managed to keep me warm and cold at the same time; just perfect. I'll never forget the pre-feeling though; the feeling that drives me to push myself to want to jump again. Ahh I want to jump right now! :)

Eh..

It seems like its more pain to have a boyfriend then to not. Right now, I think I'm just too young to try and have a serious relationship. I do love my now ex, but I feel like we just always argue. He wants me then doesn't want me, thanks me for being a great girl then tells me I'm just too much. I'm tired of seeing my life sort of through someone else's perspective. I get trapped in what he tells me about myself, and lower my standard of what kind of person I really am. I hate how there is this certain tactic that some guys will use. Their nature is to hunt after prey, and us girls are basically prey.  I feel like the only way he thinks sometimes I'm guaranteed to stay with him is to make me believe that I am nothing. That no one else would want me. I refuse to believe that.

I don't even know what to call this.

I didn't understand why I couldn't change my fate.I somehow had convinced myself that I wasn't myself anymore. Second after second.. second after second, I was losing more and more breath. I felt myself deteriorating, but my brain still in perfect condition, functioning. I was so angry, just so pissed I could do nothing but watch myself lose air. Second after second.. Even while the air escaped I didn't want it to, I didn't understand why it was happening. I watched myself take off my shoes, and my brother grab my arm, leading me to a glass of water. I looked at the cup, unable to drink it. The clash of the ice cubes against the inside of the glass cup sounded as if it was right in my ear. My mouth was so dry, and my throat felt like razors were cutting with every breath I took. I heard my heart pounding," Thump Thump! thump thump! thummmp..thummp... thummp thummp..," second by second it was slowing down.  Second after second.. I heard my brothers voice, muffling while I became weak. I dropped to my knees, baffled as my sister and brother. They were doing nothing to help me. I was losing air second.. after second, and just watching them watch me. They did nothing. Slowly I sunk lower and lower and my ribs and body crumbled... as if deflating the air out of my lungs. I fell to the floor hearing nothing but " Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song.. killing me...," My heart went " thhhuummpp.....ttthhuuummpp....."  and I took my last painful breath. My soul was no longer in my body.   It had become nothing but my mind talking and  all black. 

The next moment I remember was waking up screaming. I was holding my sister, bawling at what I had saw. My death. Even if it was a dream, none of them have ever been as real as that one.  It really disturbed me..

President Obama

Well there it was today; the inauguration. People from all over came to witness this celebration and moment in history: the first african american president. My mother said there was not only blacks with tears running down their cheeks, but every race. There were whites and asians and others that were touched by this election. It shows great progress as a nation and really means a lot that I'm alive when this day has come. I mean, look how far we've come as a whole. Years ago african americans weren't even considered a human  or given any rights and now an african american is our leader and has the control to give us our rights and run this country to victory. I'm proud to be a part of this great stepping stone into the future.  I can't wait to see and experience the great change and peace that Obama will bring.

Never the Same

When I drove by the bay oceans, it took me back to something my mom had told me. "Dani, you'll never look at oceans the same once you go to Hawaii," she said a week before our trip last year. She was right. I looked out of my window and frowned. Our oceans are so filthy and polluted, you aren't even able to see your feet in the water. In the Hawaii beaches, you could see everything under the water's glass-like surface. The transparent water made it fun to go snorkeling above the surface and see the exotic fish peaking out of the green leafed plants, or see the sea urchins suction cupped to the rocks. You can't enjoyed anything like that over here. It's sad how people don't value beauty over here like the oceans. I wish ours could be a replica of Hawaii's. But then again, that's what makes the islands such a great and valuable place to visit. Everywhere in the world has it's own special quality that other's don't have. I guess it's just up to us to explore and appreciate them.

NIGHT

The first chapter in the novel, Night, was different from any book that I have ever read before. Usually the first twenty pages in a book are hard to understand and give you barely any information of things, but briefly lay out a couple characters. This book started out very deep. I've never been connected so soon to a book then I have this one. It's beginning of how a young boy and his family are forced by the Nazis to move out of their homes is so powerful. The author takes no time at all to jump into the reality of things. I wish more authors were like Elie Wiesel . Instead of just sugar coating things and trying to make the story any more dramatic than it was, he just flat out lays the facts and you are engaged to his life and story. It's so sad already and I've only read the first twenty pages!

Trapped

Going to the zoo is always a guaranteed fascinating time spend with your family. This trip to the zoo, however, I thought a little more in depth with the animals. Instead of just being entertained with these once wildlife beasts, I had pity upon them. I wondered what it could be like to spend your whole life enclosed, in a cage. To just see countless faces a day stare at you and snap bright lights. You walk and see a huge animal like a lion; the king of the Savannah. In his enclosure, he did not walk with pride and grace like he should and there seemed to be sadness in his eyes. I know that most of the animals that are put into the zoo are ones that are incapable of surviving out in the wild, but I wonder. If they did have the choice, would it be death,or a life in a cage?? Which one is really the suffering? The life or the death?

*First Love

I remember walking into Overfelt Highscool's drama autotorium like every Sunday, preparing for the nine o'clock  church service. It was nearly a year ago in late august, and school time for not only me had started, but also the bible college my church offered called Master's Comission. ( The boys mainly served as eye candy to the younger girls since they were non-obtainable.) It was the Sunday that these new group of newly graduated young adults were introduced to the church. As I saw my friend Briana, she was bubbling to spill out the news of the boy that was buzzing around all of the girl's heads. 

" Danielle, have you seen the new Master's yet?! "

"No not yet?? ." I responded, puzzled at her excitement.

" There is this new one just coming in, I don't know his name but you are just gonna die when you see him! I mean he is ... you'll see! " 

I wondered where this godlike boy as everyone described him could be, and if anyone could actually be that perfect. After praise and worship was done, I proceeded to sit and wait to see this boy who everyone had spoke about. One by one the names were called, and finally all of the masters came out onto the stage to do a human video. ( A dance/drama) Briana pointed and said." Look! That's him! " I couldn't believe how handsom he was and where he could have possibly been hiding my whole fifteen years. He was extremely tall, and had this golden, orange hair down to his mid-back. All of his features were very structured and deep. I knew that I had to have him.

Weeks went by, and eventually I gave him my number. I was excited to get the occasional text from him saying," Goodnight. Sleep well, and Stay warm. Jah Bless. " Day by day I became more interested in him. He lured me in with his shyness.. I wanted to know more and more. This sort of sinfully beautiful love I had found at church was a challenge for the both of us, but a risk I was willing to take.

   After a few more weeks, I looked at my phone one Sunday morning and saw that I had had a text from him reading,"Come meet me outside." My heart beat to the click of my quick pace in my heels as I stealthy snuck around the rows of chairs. Once free outside, I saw him just staying there, making the slightest motion to turn the corner. Walking swiftly and checking if anyone was around, I caught him sitting on a metal bench, looking down at the cement ground. I had never imagined he would be a shy boy, but the opposite. I sat next to him, my heart continuing to race faster and faster. I had never really got opportunities to see him up close before. He was so beautifully put together; his very masculine, square-like face structure, his lips that pouted out perfectly, thick and juicy, and his nose full on his face and fit to keep a structure for his eyes. 

"So, what's up?" I started, since the silence was almost unbearable.

"Mmm nothing..." he said while smiling and glancing to the ground. He never looked at me when we spoke, and it bothered me. ( To me, eye contact is one of the most important things, and this was the one boy that would never look at me.) Finally, I gained the courage to question his odd behavior. I couldn't resist to touch his freshly shaved chin and gently turn his face towards mine. It was then that I could finally see his eyes. They told me everything, whatever everything could be. I wanted to know everything about him and I felt that I could see so much in his soft, honest eyes.

"Why don't you ever look at me when we talk?" I whispered, smiling.

After a smile from him, I noticed the cutest little dimple on him left cheek.

" Because, It's just that... The reason why is... I think you're beautiful," he softly said, looking into my eyes.

It was that very moment, that I knew I would love him. It wasn't because he thought I was beautiful. It wasn't because of his striking features either. But the innocents and sweetness he had about him. The shyness and humbleness that he carried. Even if he was this great looking guy, someone that I would never think would ever talk to me, he was the quietest boy that I have ever liked or had interest for;the most interesting and far opposite of me. A year later there has been many trials and tribulations, but we've managed to make it work. To this day I'm still in love with him.

New Orleans

I was watching a documentary of schooling after Hurricane Katrina and what effects it had on students there. I was shocked to see the difference in the way things are out there compared to here. It saddened me to watch and see the poverty, the lack of dedication to work hard and gain a good education, and most of all the amount of violence. I couldn't imagine everyday having to go through a metal detector before entering school and having the fear daily of being shot. Within one semester, two students were shot by other students attending the school. It makes me really appreciate being brought up in California and being able to feel safe at school and most of the community in general.

Flea Market Treasures!

     I had such a great day today spent with my friend, Brenda, at the Flea Market. There were so many items sold for a deal price that you couldn't find anywhere else. Today, I was specifically in search for Native American jewelry, but I struck out. (It's usually unattainable when you have a goal already set out, the best way to go is in search for nothing in specific. That's how it works out for me anyway. ) Instead, I came across this woman who made bracelets. I was really excited because I have always wanted a custom bracelet where I could pick the colors and the way it was going to look. It took awhile for the woman to make the bracelets that my friend and I had asked for, but I don't blame her. The craftiness of it was magnificent. I don't understand how she managed to make lettering, but she did. As she went row by row with the yarn, I watched her carefully intertwining and going under and over and around with several pieces of yarn. If it were me I would have had a million knots! It was really neat and a treat watching her make the bracelets and even better to be able to wear them.   

New Years

As the New Year came, I sat in the car driving home thinking of the whole year previous that God has blessed me with. I was given  another healthy, great year. But the usual thing I do is think of things I want to change or do better in the new year. This year, I'm trying not to focus on anything in general, some things though, and just try and be the best person I can be. I keep hearing  people say that the end of the world is nearing soon, and it just scares the hell out of me. Literally! I'm trying to live my life right and do what I am suppose to. The only true way the bible says to reach it to heaven is to accept Jesus into your heart and declare him as Lord and Savior and live for his great works. I believe with all my heart that there is a heaven, but only a certain amount of people make it to heaven. I just hope that all my loved ones are guarteneed a spot as well as me.

Everything For A Dollar

When my little niece came over to visit, I dreaded seeing her. It's sad really, but she's just one of those younger siblings that are complete little pests and bug away. (I always think ," Wow I hope I didn't annoy my cousins like that." ) But when I saw her, this time it was different. She was much older now, and viewed things in a very different way then when she used to when she was a bit younger. She stood in my room looking around in awe and said ," Dani, if you got a dollar for everything in this room you would be rich...." I didn't think much of it and said ,"Oh don't be silly.." But after she left I thought of how she was right in a way and helped me realize things about myself that I would like to change this upcoming year. I never thought of my room as anything special, but here a little girl looked around and thought it was just great and full of clothes, and jewelry, shoes and furniture. It made me feel as if I'm not as grateful as I should be. Sometimes we don't know how fortunate and lucky we are until we see it through someone Else's eyes. This year one of my goals is to be more grateful and appreciate how easy I really have it.

Going Back To School

Oh my school is tomorrow! AHHH! I don't know if I'm exactly ready?? I LOVE having break of course everyone does, but its time to go back. Woah not to mention my horrible problem of sleeping in. Staying up late and sleeping in is the new thing! It's gonna be a hard habit to break now and for my body to adjust to waking up early once again. I know I'm not menatally ready for learning eh, but I love hearing about everyone's break and the fun adventures people have. Can't wait to see you guys tomorrow!

The Good Word of Death

When I was in deep thought one day I wonder why it seems only appropriate that when a person dies to speak upon what kind of person they are. I mean even the nastiest of people get some kind of nice speech from their family. I wonder why it only has to be when they're dead that you speak of all the great memories and qualities that that individual has. I thought of my mom and how I don't want to be speaking at her funeral and regreting never telling her that she is a beautiful, great woman that has supported me in so many ways. She is the one person in my life that I don't get around to really tell how much I appriciate and think she is just and awsome person. I do throw out comments here and there, but I don't think she fully realizes the amount of gratitude I have towards her. Another one of my goals this year is to tell people all the great things that I think of them. It shouldn't be when you are just looking at flesh in a coffin that you speak up and tell them what you felt about them. You never know, it could have made one of their day's on this earth a little brighter, and since you're only given so many what do you have to lose?